99 - Welcome to the Family

“It’s fuckin’ February.  In Jersey,” Tony Bongiovi explained very slowly to his older brother.  “Why in the hell would I want to leave my nice, warm house in California to freeze my nuts off?  For a housewarming party?  I don’t think so.”

“Oh come on, ya pussy,” Jon badgered.  “Come see the new place and meet my wife.  We’ll even put an extra blankie on the bed so your candy ass doesn’t suffer from hypothermia.”

Tony grinned into his iPhone.  There was nothing like a little brotherly bashing to brighten his day.  Sometimes he missed living in Jersey with the rest of the family, but not in the dead of winter.  When they had temperatures that involved negative signs and snow out the ass, he was quite happy in L.A..

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Jon…  You can’t be bothered to call me personally and tell me you got married, but you’re commanding my presence for a housewarming party?  Seriously?”

“I told you already, it’s more than that.  Our families have never met each other, so it’s more like a post-wedding party than a housewarming party.  You’re family.  I’d like for you to be here.”

He loved Jon.  He really did, but February?  In Jersey?  Tony hated wearing a coat. 

“I don’t wanna.”

“For chrissake, what else do you have to do?  It’s not like you’ve got a girlfriend tying you down… do ya?”

No.  He did not.  He remained markedly single.  Some days that was a good thing, and some days it sucked.  It just depended on his mood.  Parties like this generally marked sucky days.  They were predominantly couples and someone was always asking him if he was seeing anyone, or how he liked living alone. 

Or, if it was one of his brothers, they were nice enough to ask if he’d banged anybody lately.  That was only marginally better and, seeing as he hadn’t slept with anybody in several weeks, he wasn’t going to like answering that question any better than the others.

“I have a job – a business.  I have clients who need me.”

“It’s for one fucking weekend, Tone.  Just come.  We’ll hole up in my new pub and get drunk on Friday night.”

Tony snorted.  “Yeah, that sounds like all kinds of fun for your new wife.  She won’t bitch about it?” 

“Nah.  As long as I can manage to keep my temper in check, Sheridan never gives me grief.  If I’m tied up, she does her own thing.  You know I could never be married to a clingy woman.”

“So not only is she hot, she’s perfect.  Fuckin’ figures.”

The laugh that came through the line from New Jersey to Los Angeles was as familiar as his own.  It sounded just like his own, for that matter.  Many a person had remarked how the two brothers’ laughs were virtually indistinguishable. 

“No.  She’s not perfect, but neither am I.  It all works.  So are you comin’ or what?”

Sighing, he knew he was going to.  Tony was a pushover when it came to his family.  Whatever they wanted or needed, he would do, and they would do the same for him.  It was just the way they were and Jon knew it just as well as he did. 

That didn’t mean he had to let big brother off easy.

“You chartering a plane for me?”

“Hell no I’m not chartering a plane!  You can fly nonstop from LAX to Newark any day of the week on any major airline.”

“And here I thought you really wanted me there….”

“You little shit,” Jon laughed.  “Get your ass on a plane.  Ask me nice and I might even buy the ticket, but make sure and let me know when you’re scheduled to get in.  I’ll send a car for you.”

There wasn’t a doubt in Tony’s mind that a first-class ticket and a driver were his for the asking, but he wouldn’t ask.  He was a firm believer in paying his own way.  Of course, he made most of his money by working for Jon, so technically his brother was paying for it, but Tony wouldn’t be one of the greedy bastards that always had their hand out just because Jon had made a lucrative career of his passion. 

“If I show up, I’ll use my backstage ninja moves to catch you off guard.”  He let his voice go dramatic for full-effect.  “When you least expect it…  Expect it.”

Jon sniffed mockingly in his ear.  “I’m terrified, I tell ya, Ninjovi.  Now get your delusional ass here before Saturday.”

§§§

People were pushing back their plates, laughing and just generally talking bullshit all around him. 

“You are NOT going to leave that nursery white.  Seriously, Sheridan?” 

Tony grinned to himself.  Sheridan’s sister – Riley? – was a piece of work.  Not a bad piece of work, but a piece of work nonetheless.  It didn’t help that his sister-in-law Desiree had joined forces with her to make a bigger piece of work.

“We’re going nursery shopping with you.  That’s all there is to it.  No baby needs a completely white nursery.  It’s not an operating room!  Have some fun with it!”

Matt rolled his eyes at Tony and threw back another swallow of wine.  His expression and actions seemed to scream that pregnant women would drive you to drink.  Personally, Tony wouldn’t know, but if the refill count on their older brother’s glass was to be used as a gauge, it was a valid assessment.

“I’m going too!” piped up the redheaded friend.

“Oh for God’s sake,” sputtered the beautiful blonde that was the newest addition to the family, leaning closer into her husband for support.  “First I don’t feel the way I’m supposed to, and now I can’t even be trusted to decorate a room?  Are you going to stage an intervention when I try and bring it – her – home from the hospital?  Take it away from the unfit mother?”

Jon just chuckled and unobtrusively slipped his hand onto her thigh.  Tony didn’t know what was going on under the tablecloth, but from the way Sheridan jumped, he didn’t want to. 

He’d give it to her… she was a good egg from everything he’d seen so far this weekend.

She had been warm and welcoming when he turned up on their doorstep last night.  She had a good sense of humor and she seemed pretty laid back in general.  The only thing odd about her that he’d noticed was the way she tended to the baby as an “it-her”, but to each her own as far as Tony was concerned.

He understood that the original plan had been for his dad to cook – and Tony would’ve been glad to help out with that, seeing as he liked to cook.  Sheridan, however, had decided she just wanted everyone to have a good time and get to know one another without having to ‘work’, so she had called a caterer. 

It wasn’t anything fancy, but was a nice buffet-style setup with a little of everything.  The only thing Sheridan had made was the xerotigana pastries for dessert, for which she had recruited Stephanie to help her.  Apparently the eldest Bongiovi grandchild had been on the outs with Daddy since all this went down.  However, the prodigal child had now returned home, and Sheridan had done her best to embrace the girl while Jon had smiled like a sap at his little princess.

Tony didn't know what was in those pastries, although he made a mental note to ask about them later, because Sambora sure was a happy mother.  Licking his fingers, he was rabidly complimenting Sheridan's honey and sliding Jon a sneaky-ass grin while Dave tried to figure out what the inside story was.

I swear to God, I could walk away for a year and come back… nothing would change with these guys. 

The thought was both comforting and disturbing, he decided with a small grin.  At least Sambora kept him from being the only single guy here, even though Richie was flirting with the little blonde who was clearing the dinner plates.

Tony glanced across the living room whose lack of furnishings had made it the prime spot to turn into a dining room for tonight’s festivities.  Absently pushing the dark red tablecloth that covered all four of the big, round family style tables off of his thigh he uncrossed his legs and saw that the little brunette behind the makeshift bar was still looking like a hunted rabbit.

He’d first noticed her earlier in the day when he’d bundled up and gone outside for a smoke.  The various staff had been setting up tables and the like, but he’d overheard that somebody hadn’t put the bar on the truck, so she had been huddled into her coat outside on one of the patios.

He had offered a casual greeting, but she’d done nothing more than dart a glance his way, nod and stare back out at the river, giving him the impression she was scared shitless of him.  Being the nice guy he was, he stepped to the other end of the patio to give her some space.

After watching her through pre-dinner drinks and dinner, though, he realized it wasn’t just him.  It was everyone.  If the poor girl wasn’t on Valium, she needed to be.  She’d dropped something like three glasses and splintered them across the hardwood floor.  When the head catering chick had asked her if she needed to go home, she’d firmly shook her head and said she couldn’t afford to pass up the paycheck. 

Since then, she hadn’t broken anything, but she didn’t look any less freaked out either.  His curiosity was getting the better of him.

Snagging his empty highball glass from the table, he sauntered to the far corner of the room where the little rabbit girl was pouring a glass of wine for Sheridan’s brother.  Cole?

“Hey, man,” he acknowledged the fair-haired man who was about his height while covertly studying the petite barkeep.  Her plain brown hair was pulled back into a French braid at the back of her head and it whipped over her shoulder as she lunged to catch the wine bottle that had just toppled.

“Hey.”  Sandy eyebrows puckered with concentration.  “Anthony, right?”

“Anthony, Tony.  Whatever.”

The Cowardly Bartender gave the guy his drink and Tony requested a Jack and Coke.  Just like on the patio that day, she didn’t look at him.  She only nodded and left him to make small talk with the brother-in-law.  In-law.  Or however that went.

“You know, I was pleasantly surprised,” Cole mused, leaning an elbow on the portable mahogany bar.  “Being a rock star and all, I figured Jon might be a dick, but he just seems like a regular guy.  Who actually seems to love and respect my sister.”

With a soft snort, Tony informed him, “He is a dick.  But he’s my brother, so my opinion might be tainted.  He’s nuts about your sister though, who is a sweetheart, by the way.”

“Sweetheart?”  It was Cole’s turn to snort, before paraphrasing.  “She can be a bitch, but she’s my sister, so my opinion might be tainted.  I love her just the same.”

Both men chuckled at their sibling humor and then Cole excused himself, seeing that his wife was beckoning from the table where Sheridan and Riley were sitting. 

That left him alone with the woman who had just dropped two ice cubes in the floor instead of his glass. 

What the hell is with this broad?

“Do you have some kind of nervous condition?” he asked casually, with a little smile, reading the nametag attached her white tuxedo shirt.  Elizabeth.  “Because if ya don’t, lemme tell ya Elizabeth, we aren’t gonna bite you.  Well…  Most of us aren’t.  And those who would won’t unless you ask.”

The corners of her mouth twitched, but she still didn’t look at him.  Her attention remained zeroed in on the drink that she had finally assembled without further incident.  It was pushed in front of him with a tiny nod.  “Thank you.  Can I get you anything else?”

So that was it.  She wasn’t giving up anything, even a bit of friendly conversation.  Weird. 

“Nah, this’ll do me for now.  Thanks.”

When he returned to the table, he must’ve had a look on his face, because the first thing that Jon did was ask, “What?”

He shook his head as he took his seat and put the new drink on the tablecloth.  “Nothin’.  Your bartender could probably use this drink more than me.  That’s all.”

Sheridan, overhearing them, leaned in and quietly agreed.  “She’s very wound up isn’t she?  After she broke the third glass, I expressed some concern to the catering manager.  He assured me that she’s typically an exemplary employee because she needs the income so badly that she’s afraid of losing her job.  Then he offered to send her home, but I just couldn’t do it.”

“Are they our glasses she’s breaking?”

“No,” she laughed at her husband with a poke to his ribs.  “The catering service brings their own.”

“Then I don’t give a fuck how many she breaks as long as mine has wine in it.”

Tony silently agreed and pushed the woman from his mind as David stood, clinking his glass with a piece of silverware.  Sheridan rolled her eyes at Jon and settled into the curve of his arm to see what the keyboardist was going to say.

Oh God, this should be good.

“I just want to thank the lovely couple for letting us into their new home.  Sambora is relieved that you’ve lifted the restraining order against him.  I know this because he relieved himself in the foyer.”

Everyone laughed, and Richie had the good grace to look sheepish as he lifted his xerotigana in a quiet salute to Sheridan. 

“But we got that all cleaned up so you won’t slip on your way out tonight.”   He cleared his throat and clasped his hands together in front of him, taking in all the room’s guests.  “You all – most of you all – know I’m a composer and a wiseass.  I’ve chosen to use those one of those powers to commemorate tonight’s lovely soiree and its hosts.”

“Watch this folks!  He’s about to pull a keyboard outta his ass,” Richie piped in, not to be left behind in the game of one-upmanship that the two had carried on for years.  Decades, in fact.

Subtly flipping Rich the bird, David waited for the continued laughter to die down.  Tony was amused to see that even Sheridan’s parents were laughing at the two morons. 

“Okay, okay!  Back to my tribute that was so rudely interrupted.”  Once again, he cleared his throat.  “There once was a schmuck from New Jersey…”

Welcome to the family.