36 - Acrobats and Eggs

“You really wanna fuckin’ get on that thing?”  Jon looked skeptically at the teenage girl strung up with wires, dangling from a swing high above the Santa Monica Pier. 

The black and red banner read ‘Trapeze School’, and the activity surrounding it had enamored Sheridan for a good fifteen minutes.  After watching an assortment of thrill seekers fly through the air, it looked to be as easy and natural as walking.  Anyone should be able to do it, shouldn’t they?  Gravity and the fact that she was forty years old didn’t enter her mind a single time.

She leaned into him, bumping against his shoulder with a laugh.  “What?  Are you scared of heights, old man?”

One blonde eyebrow slid disdainfully up to the brim of his military-style cap and arctic eyes warned Sheridan that she was treading on thin ice.  “You obviously never went to a Bon Jovi  concert in the eighties.  I fuckin’ flew every night, Baby.  Been there, done that, got the bank account to show for it.”

Laughing even louder, this time she hip-checked him, being careful not to get her ponytail in the sticky pink cone of cotton candy.  “You are… the… most arrogant.. ass!”

“It’s only arrogant if there’s no substance behind it,” he corrected with a dismissive shrug, swatting her away when she tried to stick a puff of spun sugar to the end of his nose.  “I’m all substance, and I’m not wearin’ no damn steel G-string as proof.”

Two young boys flew by before she could continue her taunting.  They nearly plowed Jon and Sheridan over in their haste to get to the trapeze line.

“Slow down before ya hurt yourselves,” Jon called after them, shaking his head with a rueful laugh.  “Reminds me of my kids.  Jake and Romeo would eat this stuff up.”

An imaginary cloud passed into the sunshine of her good time, causing her stomach to knot angrily.  Tossing the remains of her cotton candy in the nearest trash can, Sheridan discreetly slipped her hand into his and nodded to a bench that had just become vacant. 

“Can we sit down and talk a minute?”

“Yeah, sure.”  He allowed himself to be guided to the edge of the walkway and frowned a bit as they settled onto the hard, wooden bench.  “You got all serious on me.  What happened?”

Sheridan looked at their intertwined fingers, her scarlet-tipped fingers alternated with his thick, blunt ones.  It was the epitome of masculine versus feminine, although it had nothing to do with what was on her mind. 

“Nothing happened.  Those two boys just made me think of something…”

“You’re not nervous about meeting my kids, are you?  I can understand where it might be a little intimidating – especially considering my younger boys– when you haven’t had kids of your own, but we don’t have to do that right away.”

He was actually being very sweet, she thought, taking a glance at his thoughtful eyes.  Sheridan had survived Riley’s two girls and Cole’s twin boys.  His kids couldn’t be any worse.  That wasn’t what she had on her mind, either.

“Actually, that’s not entirely true…” she quietly contradicted, hoping she wasn’t making a mistake by doing this.  He’d been so trusting on this trip, letting her into some of the secret corners of his life…  They were moving further down the relationship road.  She might be further down the road than she knew, because it seemed right to share this with him. Her family didn’t even know, but she wanted to tell him.  How crazy was that? 

Don’t admit it if you’re not ready, but don’t lie to yourself.  Whether you meant for it to happen or not, you’re falling for him.

Maybe she was.  Maybe she already had.  Today wasn’t the day for soul searching, and she was already about to bare more of her very private self to him.  Yet another part that only he would know.

The way you’re letting him in…  He’s going to have the power to decimate your heart when he walks away.

She gagged the annoying voice in her head.

“Remember when you asked me if I had children?”

“Yeah…”  His forehead furrowed, understandably confused as to where this was going. 

“I wasn’t completely honest with you.”  She immediately gripped his hand, refusing to allow him to snatch it away when it was his first reaction.  He didn’t like being lied to, and she understood that, but if he would just listen before he got upset...  After she further qualified her statement, Sheridan was confident that he would understand.  “Please don’t.  Not until I finish.”

At her words, he stopped and Jon released the insistent pressure he was exerting.  With a slow nod and guarded eyes, he allowed her to keep his fingers locked between hers, murmuring a wary, “Okay.”

“I’m not sure how well you know Karl,” she began, using her other hand to sandwich his and stroking her thumb along the ball of his thumb.  “But he and Suzy have been married about fifteen years now.  Since the day after Suzy and I graduated college.  You might have noticed that he’s quite a bit older than her?”

“I hadn’t really paid much attention, but yeah, now that you mention it.”

“Well, that made him anxious to have a baby as soon as they got married and Suze was all for it.  Since she’d grown up as a lonely, only child, it was her intention to have three or four kids.  She figured the sooner the better.”

A small child and her parents walked by, drawing her attention.   The little girl’s red hair and brilliant green eyes struck a chord and Sheridan’s heart pinched.  She could have been a miniature version of Suzanne. 

Or Madison.

“Sounds reasonable,” Jon’s commentary drew her out of her musings.  “I take it that didn’t work out?  They have a kid, though don’t they?”

“Yes.  Madison.”

“Didn’t she get sick the night of Karl’s party?”

“That’s right.”

Everything had been flowing up until that point, but the conversation seemed awkward now.  There was no way to seamlessly lead into the rest of this story. 

You started, now finish.  It’s not that big of a deal, you know.  People do it all that time.

But she didn’t do it all the time, and it was a big deal to her. 

“So, anyway…  They tried for several years to get pregnant, but they just couldn’t make it happen.  After multiple visits to countless specialists, the end-result was that – for whatever reason, and despite the fact that her body went through the monthly motions – Suzanne wasn’t producing eggs.   I believe that the charming diagnosis was ‘barren’.”

The hand he’d been so eager to jerk away earlier, now gently compressed in a ‘hand hug’.  She concentrated on those square-tipped fingers and the comfort they tried to offer when he said, “That had to be difficult to hear.”

“Mm.  Not just for her, but for those closest to her.  Karl, obviously.  But I was almost as devastated as she was.  Children weren’t something I’d necessarily thought about, yet Suzy’s excitement and continued hope sucked me in.  Every month, I’d be right there with her, either in person or by phone as she took that test.  Then, when she found out it was never going to read positive, she fell into the deepest depression.  I would’ve done anything to put the smile back on her face.”

The memory of those dark, gray days chilled Sheridan even in the radiant California sunshine.  It had been awful to see Suzanne’s dreams come crashing down around her, leaving her devastated and forlorn.  Sheridan hadn’t been able to stand it.

“And I did.”

“What exactly does that mean?” he gently requested clarification.

Tipping her face up to his, she squinted one eye and told him, “It means that, unbeknownst to my family – husband, parents, sister, brother – I underwent an egg harvest and donated a number of eggs to Suzy and Karl.   Madison was the result of the second fertilization atempt.”

“So,” she told him with a sheepish smile.  “I might not have any children of my own, but my DNA is alive and well.  That’s my deep, dark secret.”

Jon stared at her, taking in her beautiful features and a little bit awed.  His gut had told her she was much more than…  Well, just more.  The proof that she’d given him, though…?  Whether it was her intention or not, it made him feel things he wasn’t ready to feel yet. 

So he played it off with lightness.

“That’s all ya got?  That’s your deep, dark secret?” His tone was playful when sliding a hand into honey-gold waves and pulling her in for a kiss that told more of what he was thinking than his actual words.  Carefully parting their lips, he butted his forehead against hers and continued his act of nonchalance.  “I can see I have my work cut out for me, here.  You need a good corruption if you’re gonna keep up with me and mine.”

Her breath was sugary sweet when she laughed softly into his face.  “She’s still got a lot of eggs put away for a rainy day.  I might have a whole DNA distribution army before it’s over.”

“Please…” he snorted, rearranging his pose and tucking her into his side in such a way that they were both looking at the trapeze school.  This weekend had been an eye-opening experience in more ways than one.  Any feelings he’d been holding in reserve when it came to Sheridan were fighting their way to the surface, and he didn’t want her to catch a glimpse of them just yet.  Not when he wasn’t ready to deal with them himself.

“Half the people I know have somebody else raising their kids.”  Jon tugged playfully on a silky blonde lock and rested his lips alongside her temple.  “You’re gonna have to come up with something better than that, Kitten.”

“I’m never going to be good enough?  Is that what you’re saying?”

You’re probably too good.  That’s what I’m saying.

But he didn’t let her hear that thought.  Instead, he lifted an arrogant shoulder and tilted his head into it.  “If good is bad, maybe.  But we can work on it.”

She went rigid next to him, and Jon feared he’d taken the teasing too far until she pointed a cherry-red nail at a spot just down the pier.  “Hey, look.  It’s a fortune teller.”

Following her finger, he saw that she was right.  There was a funky, hand-lettered banner hanging from a makeshift canopy.   MaDaME ZizsKa KnoWs aLL.

“Reminds me of Madame Marie’s setup in Asbury Park before she made the big time.”

“Wanna get your fortune told?”

He rolled his eyes, finding it hard to believe a smart woman like Sheridan would buy into the hokey crock of a fortune teller.  “Baby, I make my own fortune.  You’ve gotta know that stuff is a buncha shit and that the ‘Madame’ is more likely to run a whore house than predict the future.”

She tried to disentangle herself from his grip, but Jon held tight as she struggled.  “Oh, for God’s sake Jon.  I’m not naive.  Of course I know that, but if you’re not going to let me on the trapeze then I have to find another way to humiliate you.  It’s either this or a bicycle built for two.  Now what’s it going to be?”

Tossing his head back, he cackled, both enchanted with her and grateful for the lightheartedness that had reclaimed their afternoon. 

“Ain’t no way in hell I’m gonna be spotted on a bicycle built for two.  Not happenin’, Baby.”

“Okay.”  She bounded to her feet when he let her squirm free.  Waggling her fingers, she beckoned for him to join her.  “Fortune teller it is.  And, to show you that I’m not entirely cold-hearted and unfeeling, I won’t even make you pay for your own humiliation.”  Popping up on tip-toe, she bumped his lips with a quick smooch and wrapped her mouth around a devilishly innocent grin.  “This one’s on me.”